My name is Justin Edge and I live in Wilmington, North Carolina with my wife, Samantha, and daughter, Haydn.
I’ve been a father over two years now, and the most difficult thing about it is maintaining the selfish man I was before. I’m self-centered. Most of us are, because we’re taught early on to make our own choices, to become our own selves, to individualize. Crap, by spending so long on ourselves and our personalities, it’s not easy to let them change (and they will change) due to a signficant other and/or children. Once these factors are involved, we have to start making choices for more than just ourselves about ourselves, which is arguably the toughest part. Here are a few choices I’d like to make:
Instead of family time, I’d rather do ridiculous things in the woods. Instead of having a nice dinner at the table I’d rather watch television and build a beer can pile. Instead of taking a weekend trip to the zoo, I’d rather watch Zach Galifianakis clips on Hulu, and, by extension, want to grow a big bad beard. But, these and many more things are not possible, and even if they are, not at the quantity in which I would want them.
Accepting this can be difficult, and part of this blog, while I hope it is helpful to all of you, will be coaching myself through the more difficult parts.
Because, let’s face it, I am a selfish father, that’s who I am, but that doesn’t mean I have to be a bad or distant one. I can still be participatory. I feel that finding the golden mean between these two parts of myself will always be a challenge, but hopefully these entries will lead me, and all of you, through a better marriage and better fathering, while still maintaining the selfish part we all reach for from time to time.