Comments for How to Be a Selfish Father

Comment on Cupcakes in the Cradle by Nate

Nate — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 19:35:04 +0000

Aww, did you for real almost close the book cause of Chapin? That song is the entryway into this subject for the layman. You know, if you ever teach a class on this subject, it would be great to suggest all of them to listen to it. Some of the more “cultured” types might give you some smirks, but that songs is the story of many fathers and sons. I think the first time I heard it on the radio it was like an ephiphany of procrastination.

Your two entries about television have been excellent. It’s not always the content, it’s the time consumption and the advertising. Oh the advertising. People don’t need to be told to buy soap. When I get into the shower and I realize that there is no soap, I go to the store and buy some. There is a rhetoric to advertisements that tries to convince you that you had never thought of buying products that we already know we need. Why aren’t there any commercials about being a good father?

Also, I think as you said in the entry, that you feel good about making something. You might laugh at the entertainment of television, but you will feel more at ease after you accomplished something creative or productive.

Comment on Blog Action Day 2010: How the Selfish Father Can Conserve Water by justin

justin — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 11:49:47 +0000

Haha! Thanks for the tip Eddie, everyone listen to this man.

Comment on Blog Action Day 2010: How the Selfish Father Can Conserve Water by eddie

eddie — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 11:42:04 +0000

i am a HUGE fan of conservation tip numero uno. very few things in life are as freeing as peeing (in the woods). just be sure to keep your stream from streams and other bodies of water.

Comment on 50 Tell-Tale Signs of a Selfish Father and What to Do About It by gloria

gloria — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 03:56:53 +0000

wow justin! such interesting insight from you. it’s refreshing to hear your voice in this, acknowledging the full range of important parenthood qualities– it’s not enough to go to one extreme or the other. i see soooo many people providing financially for their kids, but starving them emotionally. they fail to see their responsibility, their opportunity– really the ultimate OPPORTUNITY– as parents to invest in other human beings on the planet. there are many other observations i could make, but all in all, just wanted to say there are lots of wise words here. thank you for articulating all of that. good good stuff.

Comment on Active Voice by Lisa

Lisa — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 20:11:57 +0000

As a parent and a teacher of young children, I abhore television as a “babysitter”. I have taught children with severe speech delays, pitiful social skills and a constant need for quick change and stimulation. If the parents had turned off the TV and sat aside time each day for their child to have their undivided attention would their speech and social skills have been improved upon? We live in a time of overly busy parents that plop their children in front of the tv to gain time to do the things they need to do and we wonder why ADHD is on the rise? In our family, no matter how busy or how tired we are we always sit down at the table together for dinner. Children gain so much from conversations around the table. It breaks my heart when I hear my kids at school say they ate dinner in front of the TV…who asked about their day or how they were feeling? DId they hear their mom and dad share about their day? Now, on to the Baby Can Read program…it makes me want to vomit. CHildren of parents who care will read, is it really helping their child or is it a competition of the parents? And what does reading at 9 months of age proove or gain if the child’s appreciation of books and reading, and their natural curiousity is severed? Also, are they truly comprehending what they are reading, at 9 months of age are they able to read something and then recall a similar experience in their own life and compare the expereiences? Or are they simply memorizing words? I remember when I was student teaching there was a child in my class that had been “taught” their A-B-C’s or well that cute little song, young children do not know their ABC’s unless they can identify letters, a song doesn’t count. Anyway, back to the child in my class, he was using a keyboard and pecking at the letters randomly assigning them “letters” he gotten to about “F” when he suddenly paused and said, “Hey where is “LMNOP” he thought it was one letter. That proved to me then that just because they can sing a s cute song, doesn’t prove letter knowledge.

Wow, I really got on my soap box.

Comment on 50 Tell-Tale Signs of a Selfish Father and What to Do About It by Dan

Dan — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 17:19:33 +0000

Justin is probably too modest to admit it, but it should be known where this man’s credentials, to speak on subjects like this, come from. At the moment he is finishing up his graduate degree in English, working full time, tutoring part time, and working on his book of short stories. He is the head writer for an online sketch comedy show, co-creator of a poetry/prose event series in Wilmington, healthy eater, sane mind, owner of this blog and a goddamn good father and husband.

He is the definition of “steadfast”, unwavering in the act of “walking the walk.” He is not a superhuman or different species, only someone who desires to pursue responsibility and does just that.

Comment on 50 Tell-Tale Signs of a Selfish Father and What to Do About It by justin

justin — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 13:51:26 +0000

Kimberly, as the post mentions, many fathers believe that working full-time, as well as providing benefits, is their contribution to the family, and the rest should be left up to their wives. Of course, if the husband is the sole breadwinner and works many many hours and travels then his job around the house will flex down and his wife’s will flex up, but he still should have some household responsibilities, and besides this isn’t the case for the majority of Americans. Yet many husbands still think working 40-50 hours is enough. This is antiquated and absurd. Negotiation is the key here, I believe, and anyone that loves and respects you should be willing to negotiate on this issue. If not, then there’s a larger problem that needs solving. Remember, on average, we’re awake 112 hours a week. I, like most folks, work 50 hours a week, which still isn’t half of my awake time. Like I said, there’s always a way to find the time to get the right things done, it just takes eliminating the wrong things.

Comment on 50 Tell-Tale Signs of a Selfish Father and What to Do About It by Kimberly

Kimberly — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 13:18:41 +0000

I LOVE your blog, as a lot of this describes my husband. He, just this morning, suggested a separation because I want more from him than just his thinking working FT is adequate for being a husband and father.

PLEASE continue this blog. I need to know I am not asking to much from my husband.

Comment on Active Voice by Nate

Nate — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 23:48:18 +0000

Great points here. Even for a people like myself who like to read, finishing a book is hard to do sometimes. I have to make myself finish a book most of the time before starting another one. I think the advertising alone should be enough reason for people to think about cutting off the television. Advertising has a greater effect on us than I think we realize, I believe it creates more conformity than individuality or creativity. Reading places reasonable things in our minds, while television can place unwanted ads inside of us of what to be.

Television seems to fill a hole espeically after the misery and tiredness of the workday. Especially for our parents generation. I think for me, when I come home from work I normally get on facebook or espn.com. They aren’t too satisfying. However, alternatives on the internet, like this blog, always help the post-work hole.

Comment on What I Talk About When I Talk About Eating by justin

justin — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 17:02:29 +0000

That’s a very interesting interpretation, Erin. As a matter of fact, in the description of the website, I say that since we’ve spent so long on our own personalities it’s tough to change ourselves, even if such a change would be for the better. There, I’m just describing individuals, but collectively we form a society with the same problem. The fast food and material goods (which I’ll be talking about within the next month) are simply symbols of who we are, which is what powerful advertising does to us, we’re made to believe that buying and participating in these things says something about us, makes us who we are, and once we’re that way, we’re not going to change.